Inspiration: Service on yesterday... “The 5 Dysfunctions of a Family... Part I”
Yesterday was an interesting day all around. For one... I actually did a 10 hour fast. How about that? It was good. While this is the first time for me, I think a few things were accomplished. I can be disciplined... and it really does energize the spirit within. I think I will shoot for once a month. The first Sunday of each month and take it from there.
Now... Sunday service was amazing... Pastor Cameron really has a heart for the people of God and it’s all due to his past and how God is directing him. Yesterday’s service was part one of a series called, “The 5 Dysfunctions of a Family.” I will have to get the cd for each service, especially next week; I’ll be out of town. Here are some points that he laid out; with some additions from me.
Reference Verse: Proverbs 22:6 – Train up a child in the way he/she should go, and when he/she is old he/she will not turn from it.
Part I: The Image Keeper
Our thoughts and actions have been shaped by our upbringing. Our world, view, self image and perception of God have been influenced by our family structure.
3 Goals
- To become aware of our family dysfunctions
- How to bring down those dysfunctions
- How to rebuild a healthy family structure
The Battlefield is in
- The Mind (Read 2 Corinthians 10:5) – If the enemy can get in your mind; then he has control.
- The Offspring (Read Exodus 20:5) – If our minds are messed up then it will go to the children.
Before our marriages and families can heal, the INDIVIDUAL that makes the family HAS to begin TO HEAL. Romans 12:2, Psalm 24:4-5
Now... Here are the symptoms of the Battle-Scarred Person (THE ADULT CHILD)
- Life of extremes. Anyone that is risky in a dangerous and reckless way. With major emotional swings.
- Self condemnation. You put on a mask to show everyone that you are on top of the world and yet on the inside you hurt. The real problem is that you are afraid to show the human side of fear of being rejected and so instead of taking the chance of others putting you down... you choose to let yourself down on the inside.
- Distant. Now we all have this problem. I can speak for me that I am truly distant from some of my cousins and a couple of my aunts on my father side. With one aunt in particular because her and my father had an interesting relationship. They always bickered and she always felt that she had to be in competition with him. Well she has kids as well as my dad. Her daughter (my cousin... Brandy) is doing so well and I am so proud her. She is a teacher and she absolutely enjoys it. Brandy has always had a nurturing spirit (in my opinion; she got it from Grandma... it skipped my aunt). Nonetheless, my aunt felt that Brandy and I were in competition and that’s not the case. Both of us support each other and are proud of each other’s success. But that’s part of it. Since my dad past, my aunt tries to put her relationship with my father off on me... and I choose not to argue with her like Dad did. And so I’m distant from her...
- Denial. You know, the fake families that on the outside er’ thang looks good. Married with 2.5 kids... dog... white fence... and all along... stuff hitting the fan at all cost. And yet they play the role of bougieness (if that’s a word), and you can’t tell ‘em that they a mess.
- Underachieving. Never making the mark... and dealing with parents, siblings, or relatives that always put you down. When in actuality... they missed the mark and wronged you by not raising you in the fear of God.
- Addiction. (Now Pastor Jay told the truth when he said this)... Do you realize that you can be addicted to people? That claim they love you but feeding you the physical? Instead of families taking the time to let the son or daughter know that they are somebody and they can find joy in God, the son or daughter goes out and finds it in him and her and they... and it’s a mess.
- Confusion. Self explanatory.
- Spoiled. This is why I have don’t have a girlfriend in the DC area... These heifers here... (GUD GOD ALMIGHTY) You talk about pressed for a dollar? How you gon’ say you independent and yet you wanna spend all my money? How about we pray before we hangout... how about that? Seriously... as kids... we cry and get er’ thang we want... Parents... do like my parents and say HELL NAW er’ once in a while...
- Timid. Afraid of authority. Now this was me ALL THE WAY... Growing up, I use to be so scared of my father, due to his drinking. I would see him and be like... “That’s not my dad.” But as I got older, the fear turned to anger... but as I became an adult... and came to DC... fear kicked in again... The fear to take authority over what God has given me control over. Thank God for August 2005... It definitely woke me up to my voice... and the fact that God will lift up a standard. Now you can’t get me to shut up LOL!!!!
- Control. I’ve had a mess of arguments with my best friend and sometimes I’ve had to pull my eldest sister on this card as well. NOTE: It’s a blessing to have folks to assist you when you don’t know. But it’s your job to take what you learn from others and then YOU take control. Now that can’t be tricky because those that have helped still want to have the final say so and at this point they have to learn to take a step back. This can always go back to childhood; especially if you have to be the one to make a decision when one else would. But be mindful of it. Remember God is still in control of it all.
- Depressed. You got too much to be thankful for. Stop swimming in blessings and drowning in complaints (Grainger know he told the truth... thanks Pastor Browning).
- Survivor. You have to make it do what it do... and leave no opportunities for failures... but if you do that... you miss out of what God is trying to show you and to be honest... you look older for your age and that’s not a good look.
a. NOTE: Be youthful with wisdom, rather raggedy with no sense.
- Workaholic. Take a break and refer to #12.
- Co-Dependence. Stop depending on somebody that doesn’t know that they have to depend on God.
Now here’s a thought (Courtesy of Pastor Jay): Many are too dysfunctional to seek help for these issues. They feel like, “Oh I am together.” And I’m like “whatever...” Emotional denial fuels these symptoms and give us the illusion of being in control. When in fact... you never had control of any of it. Rather... you don’t realize that God is in control. Each family has a structure and a function. Our relatives are a part of this structure and how we interact with them is a part of the family function. One person cannot repair the dysfunctional structure. Each person has to be analyzed and worked on individually. And this can be done through prayer, examining family structures, and identifying unhealthy patterns and lifestyles.
THOUGHT: In this message, I get yet another opportunity to dig deeper into who I am and self examine who’s I am. And this is something many people do not want to do because there’s a lot hurt and pain that you have to go back and deal with. The questions of why... when... who... how. I talked of how my dad was an alcoholic and how the fear turned to anger. But I am so grateful that the anger for my dad was erased. And I am truly thankful that my dad and I were able to bridge the gap. I think it helped him as he went across the
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