This morning I received an email about funeral services for one of my co-workers, George Crider. I didn’t know much about him, but after reading the obituary, it’s almost like knowing an old friend. George simply enjoyed life. All the activities he participated in, the impact he made on many; he truly was a blessing to his family and a whole host all around.
I think about that and I am reminded of my life. I am only 29, but there’s been so much that has occurred; good and bad. Next month is around the corner and will mark an anniversary of a turning point in my life that occurred 5 years ago. It was 5 years ago in August, that I wanted to commit suicide. I am reminded of the pain I felt. The tears I cried day in and out. The questions I would ask…. WHY? I can even remember debating, how would I do it? At that time, school was draining, Washington, DC was draining, my family was draining, and I was just going down really fast. For a while, my bandage was alcohol, weed, sex, and anything that would keep me from facing God and the fears. Guess it all came to head in June of that year (2005). I got some rough news about some personal things and furthermore, it was Father’s Day. I didn’t have my dad to talk to. I didn’t have him here with me to pray with and for me. I couldn’t hear my dad laugh anymore. Fast forward to August 2005, I was ready to end my life. And then God spoke to me in a dream by way of Dad. I remember it like yesterday. Dad had on a white suit, trimmed in gold. He never said anything; he just looked at me and smiled. There was such a peace on him that it immediate convicted me. And even though he didn’t say anything, his smile said it all. The Lord spoke to me and said, “You have so much to offer Vincent. I love you the most. Just trust me. Will you?”
As long as I live I will never forget that dream. It was a turning point in my life that I must say was the beginning of a new me. There are many that see me now and say, “Wow V, you are doing it man.” And I tell them, “Y’all it ain’t me, it’s God working in me.” Folks, I can not begin to tell you how grateful I am for this life. A life that at one time I took for granted. To know that if you just yield who you are unto God; that He will order the path way… to know that He will clean you up… to know that He loves you unconditionally. Amazing…
There was reason as to why Brother George Jerman gave me the line name back in 2003, “Perseverance …”. I wondered if he knew lol. But it goes so much deeper than Kappa Alpha Psi Fraternity, Inc.… It is what God is continuously shaping and molding me in, what He put in me as a baby, Perseverance. Complete, not lacking anything…. And with God leading, I never will go without.
Five years later, I stand stronger in the Lord. I am able to be a blessing to my nieces, godsons, family, and many by ministering what God has put in me. I am humble to hear from the Lord by way of Him and His children, my brothers and sisters in Christ. But most of all… I grateful that through God, I found me… Vincent.
THOUGHT: One of my favorite artists (as many know) is Dorinda Clark Cole. I identify with her, because she at one time wanted to commit suicide, but God intervened. She has two songs that I love so much, I’m Still Here and Make Me Real… Reflect back on your life. Think of all the times you wanted to give up… to end it all… and then look at yourself today. You are still here, by His Grace and Mercy.
Father God:
What can I say? Thank You. I ask of two things God. One; never let me go. Two; make me real…
In Jesus Name,
Amen
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